There's general criticism that PM Modi never gives interviews (save for the rare Akshay Kumar 'mango' interview) and that he never calls press conference nor interact with media (ie, whatever is left of it in the country!) The great news is that PM Modi finally decides to give an interview! The news spreads like wild fire! Everyone is anxious to know who is the lucky journalist picked up for the job! Finally the mystery is solved - leading to another! in fact the interviewer is no journalist but a politician himself - none other than his bete noir, vocal critic, the only one in India who can openly call PM a thief and yet not get arrested on sedition charges under UAPA and imprisoned for life without trial! Yes you have guessed right : The person picked by PM for the interview is none other than Rahul Gandhi the Congress MP!
The hall is filled with journalists from all over the world. The curtain rises to a deafening applause. Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi are sitting face to face. Both greet the audience and the interview begins. The smiles on their faces have relaxed the atmosphere.
Rahul: Good morning Modiji!
Modi: Good morning Rahulji!
Rahul: Is it true that you got a drubbing from Mamta in Bengal?
Modi: No. In fact we increased our strength from a meagre 3 to below hundred. In fact it's Cong who got a drubbing together with the Commies! You got zero!
Rahul: Isn't it a fact you lost everywhere except in Assam?
Modi: You too lost everywhere including the winnable Kerala! Swimming in sea with fishermen, doing push-ups or teaching self-defence to girl students in some women's college don't fetch votes!
Rahul: OK, Why did you threaten Adar Poonawala to increase vaccine production at his own cost that scared him so much he just ran away to London?
Modi: Do you have proof? In fact you called me thief accusing me of stealing Rs. 30,000 crores in Rafale deal and not a shred of evidence yet! When will you produce the proof?
Rahul: Due to your mismanagement there's acute vaccine shortage in India. Most countries vaccinated over 50-60% of population. We are languishing at about 3%! Since you have failed in preventing the second wave and people are dying without oxygen, ICU beds, bodies floating in rivers etc, don't you think you should resign?
Modi: Why should I? I am doing my best to control the situation and things are looking up. I don't run away from responsibility like you do! In fact you are a resigned Cong President planning to re- resign as Cong lost again everywhere!
I am not in the habit of resigning. I have enough majority in Parliament to keep me in power! Not only people of this country, but even your own cadre has abandoned you. You should either take sanyas or disappear to some foreign beach resort as you do for months together when Cong party is in the midst of some serious crisis! Better let a capable non Gandhi take over the party which is the only hope for Cong.
I am suggesting this because in case I lose in 2024 (I will certainly come back stronger but in case) I don't want that woman Mamta to take over as consensus PM! I am therefore giving you a suggestion as people will never accept you as PM as they know how hollow you are inside and also because they had enough of Nehrus and Gandhis! So pick up some one with potential and work to revive the party.
Rahul: Never got a better advice from anybody, even from my party! But unfortunately Cong may not survive without a Gandhi as per our old foggies dominating our think-tank! Given the option, I would have happily settled in some foreign beach resort - but they wouldn't let me! ( suddenly alert ) Well, well Modiji you were very cleverly trying to divert my attention! You cannot stop me from asking about PM Care Fund, daily hike of petrol/diesel prices, attack on our federal structure and new Parliament/Vista project!
Modi: What about PM Care Fund?
Rahul: You are misusing it. Like buying MPs and MLAs, influencing voters etc!
Modi: Do you have any proof?
Rahul: That's the problem. I don't have any, as usual! If I had proof I would have made your life miserable! You don't leave any proof, do you?
Modi: About oil prices, ever heard of 'robbing Peter to pay Paul? That answers it. As for federalism, do you have any idea what it is?
Rahul: Not much, but...
Modi: That's the problem! You never were a CM. I used to love it when I was the CM of Gujarat! Not any more! As PM you you will simply hate it. In the most unlikely event of your becoming one, you will realize it. Since you aspire to be PM some day, just dump the subject. Usurping all state powers and making the dummies dance to your tunes is too tempting! Perish the thought! Next question please.
Rahul: Why the new Parliament /Vista project? Are you afraid of people? You want to travel to Parliament under the ground? Why spend on a new Parliament when the economy is in crisis?
Modi: Do you visit the wash rooms in the old Parliament building built a hundred years ago?
Rahul: No. I normally hold it till the session ends and rush out. Because all of them stink!
Modi: Exactly! You got the answer! Next question please. Time to wrap up.
Rahul: Why are you still growing your white beard? You wanted to look like Tagore in Bengal, but it flopped. So, why don't you trim it?
Modi: I will need your help to do it.
Rahul: My help?! Never worked in a saloon! How do I help you?
Modi: Please continue to lead Congress party. Never give chance to a capable non Gandhi leader. I have resolved to trim my beard only when Bharat becomes Congress-mukt! Your contribution is valuable to achieve my goal!
The interview ends with a stunned silence all around, only distraction being the sound of footsteps of a sheepish Rahul Gandhi walking away.
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