The PMO was unusually active that day. Officials were busy raking their large and also peanut sized bureaucratic brains. The place resembled a giant-sized beehive with bees flying around the Mighty Queenbee,..er, in this case Kingbee. At the Home Ministry, things weren’t different. Serious brainstorming sessions were on at both the places. Everyone was engaged in animated discussions . Some senior officials were even seen banging their heads against walls in frustration at the quality of debate. Suggestions and counter suggestions were being presented, rejected, reworked, re-presented, re-rejected and so on. A reporter, unable to get a hint of what’s going on, and hanging around for some ‘Breaking News’ for his channel, was on the verge of breaking down, realising the only possibility of anything breaking today is his own shoulder bone due to the heavy bag he was hanging on it through the day. While wondering what next, some noise in a corner distracted him and he walked towards it.
He was greeted by the loud chanting of ‘Go Corona , Go Corona ‘. Expectedly, junior minister Athavle and gang was at it. On being told Corona is a Chinese virus and may not understand English, the group stopped the chanting and was seen heading to the parliament library in search of an English to Chinese dictionary. The reporter wondered how the chant in Chinese language would sound and whether Corona will understand the Indian pronunciation of the Chinese word for it!
There was another noise a distance away. A crowd was listening to the high-pitched speech of a Karnataka leader cautioning the men in Kannada about the dangers of some virus, possibly Corona because he was repeatedly referring to a ‘Karuna Wireless’! ( This is no exaggeration. The audiotape is viral on social media). There were other crowds and noises like ‘Gai Moothr’ or something similar was heard loudly. The reporter thought enough was enough and he quietly decided to return to the PMO. The staff who were friendly earlier refused to even acknowledge his smile. The usually affable receptionist looked the other way. The atmosphere was tense. And he had no clue what it’s all about!, Never the one to give up without a fight, flaunting his accreditation card on the face of a senior looking bureaucrat, he confronted him head on, and the mystery was unraveled, albeit in hushed tones and with a warning to treat it as strictly confidential. The brainstorming is all about what the third activity should be, after the utensil banging and lighting candle/torch/Diya, that the Prime Minister should announce next. A tough one indeed!
The bureaucrat took the reporter to a section looking like a Lab where a lot of analytical work appeared to be going on. An earnest sounding baldy was making a presentation to a group of older and balder men explaining the benefits derived from the previous two exercises. He elaborated on how the sound of 130 crores Indians banging the utensils pierced the tiny ear of the Corona virus and broke its eardrum making it deaf ,rendering it partly handicapped, reducing its attacking power! The next dose of 130 crores lights piercing its eyes made it totally blind reducing its attack potential further and making it almost 70% handicapped. It’s now left with only 30% attacking power. Rendered deaf and blind, the next target is to cut its hands and legs making it 100% powerless to attack any Indians! How to do it, is the brainstorming all about. Only extra brilliant brains can think of the solution, ie, the third method. Since the announcement has to be made anytime soon, time is short and hence the tense situation. The group then marched to the PM’s cabin to update him on the subject. Having already rendered deaf and blind by the two previous exercises, if we could, by the third one , cut off its hands and legs and render it limbless, it will accept defeat and leave the country they said. So, ‘ how do we do it, what’s the third method ?’the PM asked. The officials merely looked at each other’s faces. Dejected, the PM went into deep thought. He thought of the accolades pouring into our country from the advanced countries for having defeated the deadly virus on our own: But what about the 30 % ? Big question!
“ Eureka”!! There was a big shout and all of a sudden Amit Shah accompanied by few of his aides rushed in. There was stunned silence! The PMO officials looked crestfallen, having realised the Home Ministry has yet again beaten them to it. Yes indeed! They found the third exercise too, to complete the task. The PM, relieved, sat up to hear the details. This time it will be at 10 AM for 10 minutes. Women will dance from their balconies or in front of main doors. All Indian dance forms like Bharatnatyam, Kuchipudi, Odishi, Mohiniattam etc and folk dances from all regions are allowed. Except Bhangra and Kathakali. Bhangra for its extra vigour and Kathakali for the lack of it, both having the potential either to chase it away or put it to sleep. Either scenario would interfere with the next crucial step: That is, when the Corona virus is nearing the climax of enjoying the dance, at the 9th minute, young men hiding behind the dancers will suddenly attack it and cut off its hands and legs with large kitchen knives or swords whatever they have. The unexpected, sudden, surprise attack will render it 100% handicapped. Deaf, Blind and now limbless and thereby powerless, what option can it have except leave – outwitted and defeated by the Indians! Biggest mistake Corona virus did: underestimate the ancient Indian wisdom! On hearing the suggestion the reporter wondered how a deaf and blind virus can be attracted by dance and music! But knowing Amit Shah, he decided it's better to just keep quiet!
The technologically advanced West will secretly envy our feat. They always refuse to acknowledge the ancient Indian wisdom although eventually they all end up imitating us in so many ways. We have already seen them banging the utensils. Candles and torch lights could be on the way. I am sure, at a later stage, having left with no choice or out of desperation, they will follow our dance concept too. The only problem I see is, instead of kitchen knives their young men will brandish brand new pistols, now freely available for the asking! Who will end up at the receiving end – the Corona, or the family – is the mute question! ******* OVERHEARD: There is a section of the Indian public miffed with central minister Athavle for not being proficient enough in Indian history, specially the Indian Independence part. Instead of saying merely ‘Go Corona’, he should have shouted ‘ Quit India, Corona’! It would have been more powerful and scared the virus more and made it quit India like the British did! It would have saved the India Govt. a lot of bother and our daily wage earners a lot of trouble!
STOP PRESS: iN VIEW OF THE GOVT.'S DECISION TO EXTEND THE LOCKDOWN BY ANOTHER TWO WEEKS, THE THIRD AND FINAL PROGRAMME SHEDULED SHORTLY HAS BEEN POSTPONED TILL FURTHER ORDERS. THIS WILL PROVIDE ENOUGH TIME FOR PRACTICE AND THE GOVT. WILL CONSIDER EVEN TRIBAL DANCE FORMS TO BE INCLUDED IN THE PROGRAMME TO BE ANNOUNCED LATER, WITH OR WITHOUT MODIFICATIONS.
Hahaha. Another good read. I am enjoying every bit of this. The monkeys will dance to Dance Monkey, awaiting the next task by Moody. Loving the editorial cartoons by the way.