The following meeting took place before the HM was tested positive.
The PM and Home Minister are in a one to one discussion. No staff is present. PM gestures to HM to sit far away as he is aware comorbidity includes, besides the usual sugar, pressure and cholesterol, obesity too.
PM: How’s Amitji?
HM Amit Shah: (Elated) Fine. Thank you for your concern sir.
PM: I mean Amitabh Bacchan. He is in hospital. How is he?
HM: Oh! He and son are doing fine as per the hospital sources.
PM: Ok. Let’s now discuss urgent matters.
HM: Corona and floods and economy, right?
PM: Exactly. We’ll start with Rajasthan. When will Gehlot wicket fall? What our umpire Kalraj Mishraji is doing? After Pilot wicket fell, why is the last wicket taking so long to fall? Why can’t the umpire LBW him?
HM: (Whose son Jay Shah is currently the BCCI Gen.Secretary, enjoying the allusion) Looks like our bowlers are tired sir. Have already sent message to our death bowler Shekhavatji to finish it off. Third umpire Mayawatiji has already been roped in to speed it up sir. It’s just a matter of time. Perhaps Gehlot got a hint and he has shifted his team to a pitch near the Jaisalmer dessert. But no problem. He can’t bat for too long. Our match fixers have doubled the offer and have dispatched messenger carrying token in an AC van to the dessert. Can expect final result any time soon.
PM: But do it fast. I need to divert my attention to Corona, floods and economy you know.
HM: Of course I do. There’s only so much we can do about that virus! None of the symbolisms worked. Lockdown only helped ruin the economy and also got us the curse of the migrants. All those who lost jobs, big and small businesses, daily wage earners, way side merchandisers/eateries, hand-cart pullers,… all continue it. And what do we get? We become the No. 3 in the world after US and Brazil, overtaking even Russia! In a way we have taken our rightful place in the comity of nations as a major power. I think there’s nothing to be ashamed about it sir, so long as you have Trump Bhai for company.
Lockdown or no lockdown, looks like Corona will reach its peak and will start its natural decline on its own, whatever we humans do. So, as I already said earlier, just throw the ball in the CMs’ courts and sit tight. It’s their call. We will have ample free time then, to think about, Chhattisgarh, Punjab, then Bengal, Kerala, the entire south…(winks and smiles wickedly).
PM: (Looks pleased. But stops the HM from trying to pull his chair closer and makes him stay where he was). Ok, let’s look at economy. If people lose jobs and complain to me what can I tell them? Even if we sell all the public sector undertakings and milk all public sector banks, we cannot feed all the unemployed – who will include all the MSME owners too. So, we have to get our economy back in shape fast. Lucky for us the Congress President-in-denial Rahul Gandhi is harping on ‘China China’ rather than on our economic condition. Before Pappu realizes his folly and becomes wiser, we have to do something about it. Do you think Nirmala Sitaraman can do it?
HM: (Pauses, takes a deep breath). Frankly I still don’t know why you made her the FM when a more capable Piush Goel was around. When you let him present the budget when late Jaitly ji was ill, everyone thought he will be the next FM. I still don’t know what Nirmalaji’s credentials are for the job, going by her track record – junior commerce minister in Vajpayee cabinet! Agreed she abuses the Gandhis well. But when we have a Sambit Patra, we don’t need any other. People say it’s high time we brought in a good economist from somewhere who can undo the mess and put the economy in order and successfully negotiate the anticipated post Corona damage.
PM: But who?
HM: Even I don’t know. But it is important. I am not an economist. Otherwise I could have helped.
PM: Even I am not one. I can only give hope to people. They trust me – rather my words. But if I can’t convert them into action in four years, we have no guarantee of a come back in 2024. People will vote us out and vote for Pappu out of frustration. I can’t think of a scenario where I have to request Pappu for my accommodation. The way I have withdrawn their Z+ security and ousted Priyanka from her Delhi residence and sent taxmen to raid all their offices, he is sure to take revenge and do the same thing to me – and to you too, as my accomplice.
HM: (looking disturbed) But where do we find an economist who can do the job and prevent such a frightening scenario? I don’t want to beg for accommodation to Pappu. Not only that, he will surely raid my son’s firms and he will be asked to explain how his businesses grew 1000 times in such short period. I would rather take ‘ sanyas’ and go to the Himalayas for good.
PM: (Seeing that Amit Shah has become emotional, says soothingly) Don’t worry. It will not happen. We will surely find a good economist who will do the job and put the economy back on track. Even if that does not happen, we will open the Mandir with such fanfare - all world leaders will be invited - people will not have time to think about the economy during the pomp and show leading to the elections. Count on me to wrangle another five years to repair the economy. But a good economist could make the job easier.
HM: But how will we find such an economist? Can’t see any in our country. I don’t want to beg for accommodation to Pappu in 2024.( sobs)
PM: Calm down Amit. We will find a guy who will not only put economy back on track but also put money in people’s hands – 15 lacs each if possible. Just think. I am sure the situation will not come where you have to beg for accommodation to Pappu nor will he send taxmen to raid your son’s offices. Be optimistic. Keep thinking of a name. Your big round head will find something - like you always do during elections or to destabilize an opposition govt..
HM: Ok, I will sir. Once we find the right person, the economy problem gets solved. Then next is the severe flood problem in Assam and Bihar. The visuals of people suffering are very disturbing sir. We are being blamed for not doing enough to help out. They say we are more interested in toppling Cong. Govt.s than saving the flood hit people and the economy.
PM: Please arrange to send foodgrains and other help to the areas as per normal floods and disasters protocol. There’s only so much a govt. can do. You cannot stop natural calamities or change destiny, can you? By the by, have you heard of the word PROCRASTINATION?
HM: No. What’s that?
PM: Look up the dictionary. A very useful tool for politicians at all times! It saved me on many occasions. In 2002, till very recently in 2020 in East Delhi. Sometimes that’s the only way to survive. That people have a short memory too helps. Then there’s this other one too: SILENCE. When you don’t have an answer, just play deaf. There was a hue and cry about daily price hike of petrol and diesel and hugely inflated electricity bills. I did nothing. Did anything happen? I am living example of being a beneficiary of ‘ Procrastination’ and ‘ silence’. Take note. Will come handy. I assure you , you will not have to go to Pappu in 2024 begging for accommodation, neither will your son’s offices raided by taxmen. You are in the company of a great survivor – don’t you forget.
Now, don’t also forget, to rush help to the flood-hit areas.( Looks closely at Amit Shah). Are you there, or still thinking of 2024? A good economist as you suggested, if we could find soon, certainly could make things easier.
HM: I am now relaxed, sure that we’ll be back in power in 2024 by either of the two options: A good economist or grand temple opening! My relaxed mind helped me find the answer to the first one: He will not only save the economy, but also put money ( or shares) in people’s pockets and bring us back in power – our new economist! ( Beams with pride. )
PM: ( Happy, and curious who the ‘ ideas man’ has found, asks) Who?
HM: Who else but our own MUKESH AMBANI!
PM: But will he agree to be FM?
HM: As FM, chance is less. But as PM he may.
One look from PM Modi was good enough to send HM Amit Shah to hospital – whether tested positive or negative is merely coincidental.
*****
OVERHEARD
All these while the Home Minister was telling people to ‘stay Home’. Now that he has tested positive, for a change, it is his turn to do so though it’s hospital instead of “Home”! Whatever, wish you speedy recovery. Wonder why you opted for private medical care rather than the reputed govt. run AIIMS! Hope there’s nothing more than meets the eye!
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