FROM THE VIRUS WORLD

Most people are not aware there is this Virus Land in the Virus World where all kinds of viruses meant to attack different planets including Earth, is located. At the Virus Headquarters, in the section marked Corona, its Global Operations Head is on the satellite phone in a weekly review meeting through teleconferencing. All regional heads are in attendance. Global Operations Head-Corona (GOHC): Let’s start with the Far East. What’s our success rate in Japan? Far East Head-Corona (FEHC): The Abe regime is putting up a stiff resistance sir. Their extremely clean environment and cleaner personal habits are making our job very tough! The high-tech is not helping too. Despite our low success rate, our boys are working very hard. But results may not come too soon from this damn cleanliness obsessed country and I suggest we target poorer countries more, for better results.

GOHC: I beg to differ. Look at Italy, Spain, France, Germany…Are they poor? Look at our success rate there! The problem with Japan is, they are extremely hardworking, ‘never say die’ type! And with a background such as Hiroshima and Nagasaki from which they rose like the Phoenix bird, despite the predictions of all doomsayers. They will not easily give in to a Corona! So we will need to rework our strategy for Japan. Till then we will concentrate elsewhere. How about South East Asia? Korea, Vietnam, Thailand, The Philipines … FEHC: South Korea and Singapore – Too smart! They neutralized our initial success and shut us off! Even Hong Kong did the same. So we could not encash our initial grip on Wuhan in China to neither attack other parts of China nor the neighbouring Asian countries. We are analyzing the reasons for this set back and are taking remedial measures . We are getting some positive response from Singapore already. Will keep you updated sir. GOHC: What about India, Pakistan, Bangladesh… FEHC: Tough places to operate sir. Less advanced and poor, we thought it will be cake-walk for our boys there. But our calculations and projections are not yielding expected results. There’s this weird guy one Mr. Modi who’s in charge in India! He has upset our plans there. There was this totally unexpected utensil banging and light beam display at us for which our boys were unprepared. They were taken by surprise and just didn’t know what to do ! Such unconventional battle types or war strategy was not covered in the war training given to them as per our attack manual. Also, against our expectation, not a soul was seen anywhere in a country of 130 crores people! Can you believe sir! Where this guy hid them all, our experts are still trying to figure out. So, where or who do we attack? Our boys are very frustrated and want to come back as it looks like we will fail there causing a blot on our fierce reputation. The only few cases in India presently is brought from Wuhan directly by their own medical students and not by our boys. My suggestion is, if we fail to make a breakthrough till 3rd May, we should recall our entire brigade from the Indian subcontinent and redeploy them elsewhere. The weird guy doesn’t mind if millions die due to other causes in the country- which it does!- but will not allow Corona death! What do even viruses do with such an illogical, stubborn and adamant guy! I am sorry, I give up sir. GOHC: No need to feel frustrated with a single adamant guy. I have gone through his history. He’s a tough nut to crack! He uses and converts every adversity to his advantage. He is street-smart and it isn’t easy to outwit him. So I am approving a strategic retreat from the region for now. Let’s now turn our attention to the success stories. Look at our boys’ stupendous performance in Europe! The results have surpassed all our expectations there. Hats off to our boys’ hard work and dedication! Wonderful job they did in Italy and Spain and France and Germany and… I can go on. But what takes the cake is the unbelievable performance of our boys in the mighty US! Has surpassed all our expectations here too! And in such short time!! Wonderful performance! Hats off to our America warriors too. Who is in charge there? I would like to personally congratulate him. Europe/US Head-Corona. : Thank you sir. GOHC: Oh, you! The European plague veteran! No wonder our boys performed so well and in such quick time! All the Best! EUHC: Merci. Before I proceed, Our Russia/Middle East/ Africa Head wants to talk. GOHC: Go ahead gentleman… er… gentlevirus. RMEAC: Our field force is aware our performance in the region is not up to the mark. But our boys have assured me that the day is not far when the oil rich Shaikhs and Russian tycoons will be seen sitting near roads and selling oils in cans to the public at throw-away prices ! But the boys want to go slow on the struggling to survive Africans! After all, it’s not yet proved the virus doesn’t have a heart, you know. But I have told them sentiments have no place in a war and as professional warriors they should not forget our basic principle of attacking the rich and poor alike. Attack Africa with the same ruthlessness with which we have done the West. They are now ready sir. GOHC: Very well! Go ahead Europe- US Head. EUHC: Our boys are doing their best to spread it among as many Americans as possible fast, and when the figures outnumber that of the the Chinese, the fat guy will regret calling us a Chinese virus. We will not stop unless he eats his own words sir. Well, after the humungous success in Europe and the US, our boys are expecting at least short vacations sir. They worked really hard and want to rewind… GOHC: No problem. In fact I was myself planning to suggest so. Not only the Europe-US fieldstaff, our entire global workforce can take a break, my friends. Help has arrived from unexpected quarters! Our job is going to be made easier, by- none other than the fat guy himself. ( Shows a newspaper headline, which reads: US PRESIDENT DECIDES TO CUT US AID TO WHO FUNDING TO FIGHT CORONA VIRUS!) They all clapped and shouted together ‘LONG LIVE TRUMP!’ and the teleconference ends on a joyous note.

OVERHEARD: A DAILY WAGE MIGRANT WORKER PUT UP IN A REMOTE SCHOOL BUILDING WITH HIS FAMILY OF SIX, TO A LOCAL POLITICIAN TRYING TO PACIFY HIM WHEN HE GOT AGITATED FOR NOT GETTING THE PROMISED FOOD SUPPLY OF DAL AND ROTTIES: “ I DON’T UNDERSTAND! WHY ARE WE, A COUNTRY OF 130 CRORES PEOPLE SO SCARED OF A TINY VIRUS AND GO UNDERGROUND EN MASSE? ISNT IT WISER TO CONFRONT IT AT A DEFINITELY SMALLER COST THAN THE HUGE COST AT WHICH WE ARE DOING IT NOW?” WHEN LAST HEARD, THE POLITICIAN WAS STILL SEARCHING FOR AN ANSWER! ******